Bad Tourists in Times Square

August 14, 2016:

We weren't really that "bad". But we completely abandoned our agenda for the day - which had included a more in-depth exploration of the boroughs downtown (China, SoHo, etc.) - and opted to go and watch "Bad Moms" in Times Square after brunch near the hostel at Crêpes on Columbus. The service wasn't the greatest - maybe we reeked too strongly of tourist? - but the food was delightful.

Ratatouille and poached eggs for me. More traditional brunch fare for Andrea.

Belgian chocolate crêpe for dessert? Don't mind if we do!

We managed to catch the Big Bus on its Uptown Loop near the hostel, so we avoided the sweatstorm of the subway for once, and we arrived in Times Square with only 15 minutes to get to the theatre. We realized that if we put up our umbrella, people coming the other direction would give us some space, so we motored through the tourists in Times Square and made it the AMC theatre just on time. The woman working at the register was so friendly and made sure we got the student discount (I had had the presence of mind to pack my student card - I am starting my Masters of Education after all) and we found spots in the theatre, making it in plenty of time to see the trailers.

We'd chosen our seats well. Sometimes the audience makes a movie - and although this movie was making it all on its own, our audience was doubled over and in tears laughing throughout the film, which it made it that much more enjoyable. And the women next to us could not contain themselves. We took a cue from them and enjoyed this film in a grand way. The air conditioning of the theatre was also a welcome change from our previous days' experiences.

We left the theatre on a high and weren't sure what to do with ourselves next. It was already getting a little late into the afternoon. We'd given ourselves permission to sleep in and shower before brunch, so we decided to check out the Chelsea Market. We took the Downtown Bus Loop and by the grace of some divinity, the temperature had cooled considerable and there was maybe even possibly wind where we sat on the top of the bus! The tour guide was not self-satisfied or self-indulgent! She was just funny and informative and seemed to care a lot about NYC. The tour was also much better from the top of the bus. We got to profit from views of the various buildings like the Flat Iron Building.

And the site of the first elevator in the world (which I recently learned is owned by Amancio Ortego who is/was richer than Bill Gates because he owns Zara and basically invented fast fashion). And this building which has some beautiful Spanish influence. It has been a while since this trip, so I'm sure there are NYC Natives who could tell you the story of this building - sadly, I've forgotten it. I just remember the designer was interesting and he lived in Spain and used the architecture there as inspiration for this building:

We learned that SoHo is so-called because it is SOuth of HOuston (pronounced How-ston). NoHo is therefore NOrth of HOuston. We learned that Chinatown is expanding rapidly and that Little Italy has basically moved to Brooklyn, but there is one or two blocks that still say "Little Italy" - it's there mostly for the benefit of tourists. Canal Street in Chinatown is the place to get souvenirs. We noted this information, but weren't sure if we were really interested in haggling in the heat. We finally got to glimpse the 9/11 Memorial which was beautiful and tasteful, and just as we started to make our way back up the island, the weather turned strange and we were pelted with furious water droplets coming in sideways at us. Our umbrellas were no use because the wind had picked up suddenly and the thunder was rolling somewhere in the distance. They brought out ponchos just as we made it to our stop in Chelsea. The weather made the idea of walking the Chelsea Highline unappealing so we hid out in the markets. It was a hipster wonderland.

Local artisans and shops for every interest! And food!! We did a once-through to see what there was, knowing that they would not be open very late on a Sunday, and then spent some time in shops that had peaked our interest. I found my NYC magnet - a fauvist rendition of the Statue of Liberty by a local artist (it even said "Made in NYC"!) - and we decided to eat at the Italian restaurant there called Giovanni Rana Pastificio & Cucina. It was out of price range, but it was so charming we couldn't say no. And at this point, we didn't think the bill would surprise us.

I ordered the Spinach & Ricotta Girasoli, Parmigiano Reggiano Basket. It was heavenly. The pasta actually came in a basket made from parmigiano cheese. Who thinks of that? And the bread was delicious. I feel bad because I have no memory of any of Andrea's meals. Mine were all so good, I had no time to pay attention to her choices. Also she probably ordered meat which I tend to just ignore now that I'm a year-old vegetarian. I think it was also delicious? It must have been. The pasta was made fresh. It was high class. The candelight cramped our Instagram style, but it was in the service of a super chill mood and a really nice ending to our NYC story. We ordered Vanilla Bomboloni, Nutella Chocolate for dessert on the servers recommendation and then rolled ourselves to the nearest subway station and cried tears of joy all the way back to our hostel.

August 15, 2016:

We booked the shuttle bus back to the airport and met our really chill bus driver who was listening to Steve Harvey's radio show when we first climbed in and then some friendly Aussies as the bus filled up. Hasta la vista, NYC! (Note: this is not real Spanish).

Would I go back? Yes. But not during Christmas. And not during the summer. Early spring or late fall seem like they would be ideal to avoid heat and the extra crowds. I would also try to book far enough in advance that I would be able to find decent lodgings for less than $1 trillion dollars. But most important, I wouldn't set any agenda. We had a lot of anxiety around using our NYC Tourist Pass (which was great) because it was so expensive, and we didn't want to spend any more money than we had to. In hindsight, we had the most fun when we abandoned an itinerary. We managed to do so much over the course of the weekend, which I think was necessary for a first trip, and now if we go back we can try to get more into the vibe of what it might be like to be a New Yorker, rather than being bad tourists.

Lady Liberty and All the Tourist Things

August 13, 2016:

"Lady Liberty and All the Tourist Things" is a new comic I'm writing starring TessAndrea - the greatest superhero team of all time, probably!

We were excited for the chance to escape the heat on the water of the Hudson River and taking the cruise around the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island turned out to be one of the more satisfying tourist activities we engaged in.

While we walked from the subway station near Times Square to the ferry terminal, we crossed paths with a number of homeless people, and the heat at the time was unbearable. According to the NYC Coalition for the Homeless, "In July 2016, there were 60,456 homeless people, including 15,156 homeless families with 23,425 homeless children, sleeping each night in the New York City municipal shelter system. Families comprise just over three-quarters of the homeless shelter population." One of the most heart-wrenching moments was seeing a child laid out on the hot pavement with his eyes closed. Our hearts were so broken, and we were stuck in the bind that I always feel as a person privileged by financial wealth. Do we give money or food to temporarily fix the problem? Or do we condemn the delivery of services meant to be provided by our tax dollars in the hopes that our criticisms will improve their delivery? In other words, do we respond to the individual humanity of the person confronting our comfort? Or do we look at this as a systemic problems and seek further reaching fixes? And what happens when the economic climate created by inherent imbalances in capitalism increase poverty and make it impossible for social services to keep up with the demand for services? I have no idea what solutions their might be to these questions and I am open to perspectives that might be more suited to answering them.

We waited a while to board the boat with Circle Line Cruises, part of NYC Tourist pass, but the breeze coming from the river was divine and before long we were sitting on the covered deck at the top, preparing to see Lady Liberty. She was a gift from the French after the French-American friendship was established during the American Revolution. Long live the Republic! We consumed our cheese and hummus sandwiches, apples, trail mix and juice boxes greedily as the tourists around us took trips to the canteen to buy overpriced junk food. We heard tons about the different piers and buildings along the harbour that I can't remember because it was not particularly interesting or relevant to anyone who isn't a NYC building afficianado, no doubt.

Eventually, we ventured out onto the lower deck to take in some of the views.

You can tell by the genuine smiles that we could feel the oppressive heat and that we were genuinely enjoying our ridiculous hipster photoshoot. So #instaready.

In order to pass the afternoon in relative comfort, we decided to take advantage of our Big Bus Tour pass and do the Uptown loop that we hadn't yet done, so we had an opportunity to learn about the ways that gentrification had resulted in vacant tenement buildings in the neighbours to the North of Central Park. Basically, every upper class group lived to the north of wherever everyone else was living in NYC throughout history. And so basically, as the population grew and more and more people started moving into the homes in the wealthy part of town, the wealthy continued moving north. Eventually, speculators tried to profit from this trend by building massive numbers of tenement buildings north of the Upper East Side and the Upper West Side, but they were unpleasantly surprised when the trend didn't continue, and the wealthy stayed where they were. The property owners now had huge investments that were essentially worthless, so they divided them up and sold them very cheaply to the poor - predominantly Black and Latino citizens. Harlem was one of these communities where the Apollo theatre is located - I geeked out a bit because every amazing jazz artist played there, including Duke Ellington.

Not sure how I feel about his "muses" being a bunch of naked women, but Duke Ellington is bae.

We learned that the Upper West Side, while still wealthy compared to many other parts of NYC, is more of a mixed bag socioeconomically. Our tour guide told us that this is the neighbourhood where he grew up, and that kids from all different classes mixed at school without clear lines drawn the way they are painted in shows like Gossip Girl which are set in the Upper East Side.

 

Our final destination on this tour was the Guggenheim Museum, another house of modern art. (Poor Andrea.)

Unfortunately, we didn't understand that the fancy swirly part of the museum is the special exhibit, not the permanent collection, so we trudged from section to section wondering when it would stop being art by the same artist. We'd had our fill of this person on the very top floor and the exhibit was tedious. By the time we found the permanent collection, Andrea was getting pretty miserable, and I was also tired. My appetite for modern art is insatiable (maybe this will be my character's super power?) but I convinced her to do a "speed round" tour with me so that I could see what there was to see. We walked across Central Park back to our hostel and found some restaurants on Amsterdam Ave. 

I had the greatest mac and cheese of my life at the Amsterdam Tavern. This is saying something. I recently told a new acquaintance at a wedding that at my own fictional future wedding, everyone would be served mac and cheese. It would be my last meal on death row. But I would request that it be made by the chef that works at this tavern because it was sublime. Andrea's food might have been good, too, but who cares?

Our final trek for the day was the Night Tour to Brooklyn to see the Manhattan Skyline. We made it to the starting point for the tour in Times Square with more than a half hour before the "final" tour. 

 

The smile of someone who is actually just extremely sweaty and mad.

The line was two blocks long. We waited forty minutes in the heat which seemed to amplify as the sun went down. Everyone in line was miserable. When we finally got within throwing distance of the next bus, we watched impatiently as people refused to get on the bus because they wanted to be on the top level. We just wanted to be in the air conditioning. There were claims that they had been told they couldn't get on until that point when we decided to just skip the line and get on. We were met with indignation, but we were beyond caring about strangers at this point. The bus was fogged up, so despite the brilliance of our tour guide who made the downtown make so much more sense to me, we couldn't see much at all. Our only photos of the skyline were blurs of lights, but we were sort of able to appreciate how beautiful it was. When we got back to Times Square, the thought of waiting in line to get to the top of the Empire State Building (which did not include a fast pass option) was unbearable so we went back to our hostel and to bed.

Holy Heatwave, NYC

August 12, 2016:

We woke up bright and early, having avoided a late night, but we hadn't slept particularly well. We were grateful for the air conditioning, but the room was still humid and we could tell it was going to be a hot day. We still weren't prepared, after our shower and make-shift breakfast, for just how hot it was going to be. The plan was to make use of our Big Bus pass to do an overview tour of the downtown, so we mapped out the subway route to Times Square.

It was straightforward enough and we were only a block or so from the subway station, but when we exited the hostel into the street, we immediately hit a wave of humidity and heat, which intensified dramatically when we descended the steps into the subway station. It had not been worth it to shower. The only way to describe the soup we had wandered into, as we waited for the air conditioned subway cars, was to compare it to a sauna. We were soaked in sweats in minutes. And therefore, we started out our day feeling, already, relatively miserable.

The ticket pick up was at Madame Tussaud's wax museum, and we were early enough to avoid a really long line. We were annoyed to learn that our New York City tourist passes did not include the night time Brooklyn bus tour to see the Manhattan Skyline, so we accepted the up-charge, which would extend our use of the bus pass to the third day of our weekend. In hindsight, we should have just purchased a week-long subway pass - but we were deterred by our absolute disgust when considering any length of time down there, and the chaotic mapping of subway lines that seems highly illogical. We were cheered up momentarily by this woman:

Anyone who says that Ghostbusters wasn't a truly amazing reboot is lying to themselves. And Leslie Jones is wonderful, but I could not pull off her facial expression.

Our tour guide for the Downtown bus loop told us that he is a born and bred New Yorker, and a history major, so he could tailor the tour to whatever our particular interests are. If there is one type of performer/public speaker/teacher/person you listen to in public that I dislike, it is the self-indulgent type. And this guy was vying for an award in that category. He made sure to tell us at every opportunity that he's a service worker like any server, so he depends on tips. He made comments about his tour group (us) falling in love with him. Maybe some people were taken with him, but I was not one of them. Andrea didn't want to go to the top, which kind of defeated the purpose of taking the bus. It was impossible to see half of the things that were being pointed out to us, but I completely understood that it was truly too hot to venture upstairs. The interior of the bus was air conditioned.

When I finally convinced her to brave the heat, she reluctantly agreed and we saw some of the most southern sections of the island from the reprieve of our umbrella (which we'd brought anticipating rain).

I did learn some interesting things about Manhattan from my self-satisfied tour guide. Henry Hudson mapped it while sailing for the Dutch East India company. The Hudson River is named for it. The island was settled from south to north, starting in the early 1600s, and it was first settled by the Dutch who named it New Amsterdam. There are claims that they bought it from the Canarsee tribe of the Lenape Native Americans for the equivalent of US$24 (worth about $1050 in 2014). In any case, they made a treaty with the wrong nation of Native Americans, as the island was actually mostly controlled by the Weckquaesgeeks. Apparently Manna-hata means "island of many hills" in the Lenape language.

It wasn't long before the British took over in 1664 and renamed it New York after the Duke of York, and although the Dutch reclaimed it shortly after, they made a deal to permanently cede New York to the British in 1673 in exchange for an island in Indonesia.

Wall Street is named for the physical wall that colonists erected to protect them from the Native Americans, but the physical wall did nothing to keep them safe, and it was taken down. This is current site of the financial district, including the stock exchange, where an artist installed an enormous bronze bull because he wanted the stock exchange to be a bull market, instead of some other kind of market. Truthfully, this made absolutely no sense to me. What I retained was that people from all over the world like touching the bull's testicles for good luck. Logical.

I was also interested to learn that the streets below Water Street used to all be water. The island expands using garbage. I wonder if it will protect them from rising sea levels. Down here, we were asked to switch buses to combine with another tour group, and our new tour guide was charming without spending half her breath asking for more money. (Andrea wondered if they get paid a server's wage, or if they just ask for tips because they are part of the service industry. I think this is a valid question.)

We decided to stay down in the air conditioning for the trek back up to Times Square, and smugly ate our packed lunches of sandwiches (cheese and hummus for me, ham and cheese for Andrea), trail mix, apples, and Capri Sun juice boxes.

For the afternoon, we planned to go to the Rockefeller Centre and it was a really good idea.

Who am I kidding with these posts? NYC is all about the photos :)

We were in search of an indoors activity to keep us out of the heat, so we opted to spend the rest of the afternoon at MoMa. For me, this was becoming the summer of modern art - the Neue Pinakothek in Munich, the Apollinaire exhibit at the Musée de l'Orangerie in Paris, and now MoMa. Modern art appears to be my happy place. But we made the mistake of being there on a Friday night around 3:30pm. The museum is open free to the public from 4-8pm on Fridays courtesy of UNIQLO. I don't like UNIQLO very much. We had a few minutes of peace before it was literally filled wall-to-wall with people.

And even though the crowds were awful, there was an exhibit on Dadaism, one of my favourite artistic movements because it's so weird. I studied Francis Picabia, one of the founders, in my French lieterature course about text and image in the age of modern art, where I was first introduced to Apollinaire. The exhibit featured "self-portraits" by artists that were engaging with the Dada movement. They were encouraged by Tristan Zara to write on photographs of themselves or to feature their portrait as part of a collage.

"I'm against everything and everyone."

MoMa is also home to "Starry Night" by Van Gogh, and while it is definitely as mesmerizing in person as you would expect of a painting with this much cred (just like the Mona Lisa), it was also swarming.

So I created my own artwork entitled "Starry Night":

It's more of a nature morte than a landscape, though.

Instead of wandering around in search of a restaurant, we ate at the MoMa restaurant and were not disappointed. We even crossed "cheesecake" off our NYC to-do list.

We made our way up to south-east corner of Central Park because my mum indicated that the store from Big (1988) with the life-size piano was on one of the southern corners of the Park.

 On the way we saw these iconic buildings:

We learned that the store we were seeking out had been closed since my mum's trip to NYC, and Andrea consoled herself with a trip to Sephora.

It was approaching 7pm and we were hot and tired, but the thought of descending into the pits of hell (the subway) was unbearable. There had a bit of rain that had gotten us wet, but also cooled the temperature slightly, and we opted to walk from 59th Street to 106th Street while exploring Central Park.

We were rewarded with a view of sunset on one of the lakes from behind the skyline before we were attacked by bugs, which I swallowed by accident as I ran...

... and a view of the Imagine tribute to John Lennon.

The sun was fully down before we made it back to our hostel, and we had discussions about the etiquette of men who encounter women in public places at night. There have been women abducted in broad daylight in Central Park, but the fear is always more visceral at night. But we made it back safely, did some planning for the next day, and read our books before bed. It felt like we hadn't done much because we were so miserable doing it all in the heat, but we realized while planning that we had actually made a sizeable dent in our wish list for our trip, and were looking forward to see the Statue of Liberty the next day on the water (out of the heat trap of the buildings!).